these are a few of my favorite things....

Beach… blue skies… quiet time… laughing my heart out… friends… hanging out with friends… letters… coffee… dates… movies… drinking at home with friends … shopping… just driving, minus the traffic… road trips… fuego… infinity pool… cuddling… kissing… hugging… holding hands… couple time… books… school supplies… hello kitty… pink… blue… white… black… red… bags, bags, and more bags… white shirt+jeans+sneakers… flip flops… shorts… short skirts… skorts… shirts… dresses… chips… Blueberry cheesecake… twix… m&ms… milkyway… ferrero… Cadbury fruit and nut… white chocolate… Krispy Crème… Banana split… Haagen Daz strawberry ice cream… Starbucks coffee almond fudge… McD’s strawberry sundae and French fries… Jack in the box twister fries with buttermilk… Purefoods hotdog… kikoman… Bagoong and rice… tapsilog… hardboiled eggs… baked macaroni… knorr seasoning… mango float… mangoes… Baby sleeping on your chest… baby’s laugh… johnson’s baby cologne – blue… baby pictures… babies… baby shoes… I labyooo mama… witnessing baby’s firsts… houseguests… sleep overs… weekends… souvenir shops… Disneyland… Fantasmic… Mickey Mouse… Little Mermaid… best friends… Nash… childhood friends… Anj… long talks… ex-bfs… teachers who become your friends… common friends… long lost friends… wrapping gifts… giving gifts… surprises… getting what you want… doing things your way… becoming friends with your ex- ...reminiscing… day dreaming… 120 Crayola crayons… bare essentials… team Anniston… early dismissal… perfect scores… FRIENDS… Grey’s anatomy… Fish… childhood games… a good cry… finishing in time… being early… pictures… tear-jerkers… wrapping paper… crafts… kids… toys… signing up for a gift registry… Sesame Street… tretorns… ballet flats… Vespa… dating someone famous… being loved by someone famous… being picked out of a crowd… being sung to by the lead vocal… hearing your name over the radio… Motown… Crazy for you… No ordinary love… white shirts… Pasko na sinta ko… Home… Martin N… Josh Groban… R.A. … Brad Pitt… Piolo Pascual…First love… K.F.S…. 24/7 live streaming… chicken joy… bacon fried rice… doing favors… Christmas tree… marshmallows… Christmas lights… Las Vegas… Post-it notes… balloons… loot bags… swimming pools… funny people… diaries… unexpected I love yous… sweet personalized messages… unexpected calls… airplane rides… hammocks… dropping a size… First kiss… Fireworks… daddy… mommy… sisters… brothers… cousins… pencils… pastel colored sharpies… tulips… roses… Tambuli nights… Days Hotel… Bellagio… Treasure Island… Absolut… Dark Knight MD… Fundoscopic exam by an ophthalmologist in Bulgari extreme and A&F boxers = McDreamy… Lacoste… Guitars… Nike Prestos… Feroza… town nights… flavored lambanog… hair blown dry… sketching… charcoal pencils… papier tole… playing the piano… family get togethers… my son… Frozen Daquiri… Love Spell… Cucumber Melon… Ralph… Tommy Girl… Clinique Happy… M.O.s … Herbal essences… tiffany blue+brown… shells… scrapbooks… polo sport… Range Rover… Mini cooper… SUVs… being missed… shopaholic… straight talking… Pretty woman… My Best Friends wedding… Notting Hill… Meet Joe Black… Jerry Maguire… The lake house… 50 first dates… The OC… Roller coasters… Magic Mountain… Tagaytay… Cebu… Baguio… Discovery Health Shows… Shamu… Believe… volleyball… tennis… nokia… shoes… rice… spam… sisig… sinigang… raspberry iced tea… French tips… sunny days… love songs… OB… dried fish… jello… caramel… sweet dreams… dolphins… bread+butter+sugar… secret rendezvous… love affair… mutual understanding… courtship… chivalry… sweetie… hunee… babyko… CB's sweet sorrow...chocolate mousse… bookstores… trapper keepers… fisher price… strawberry shortcake… Disney Princesses… Norah Jones… Regina Spektor… John Legend… Beatles… Bee Gees… Beyonce… John Mayer… ASAP… Beautiful girls… before sunset… before sunrise… leslie’s… dencio’s… gerry’s grill… all you can eat sushi… todai… Grand Canyon… Eiffel Tower… Tuscany… Venice… Rome… California… apple juice… strawberry banana juice… brownie bites… Power of Two… Christmas Eve… Simbang gabi… bff… kf… red nail polish… elmo tmx… play doh… build-a-bear… Hollister… A&F… Gap… American Eagle… LV… coach… swatch… watches… tiffany… bracelets… sleeping on my tummy… waking up next to the one I love… Love… happy place tipsy… dancing… showers… bubble baths… sun bathing… jet ski… walking barefoot on the beach… burying my feet in sand… sand castles… summer… vacation… scent of a balikbayan box… winter candy apple… funnel cakes… churros… Coldstone… memo boards… Boracay… 24 hours of uninterrupted… Santa Barbara… Del Amo Fashion Mall… Hermosa Beach… Manhattan Beach… from duty status… Serendipity… biking… surfing the net… Friendster… Multiply… text twist… sudoku… milk… leche flan… snacku… mango peach salsa… don quijote… san luis mansion… palmspring… long beach… pacific… total… store café… cinnabon… starbucks… Friday’s … Tickles… gift gate… sanrio surprises… San Francisco… Ross… Michael’s… CB2… Pac Sun… Roxy… tag heuer… mtv cribs… extreme makeover home ed… beauty pageants make me cry… edu manzano… T.G.+B.G.+M.R…. cold winter nights… classes suspended.. staying home on rainy days… pajamas to pajamas… ikea… target.. puma… nike… barnes and noble… dvr… tivo… twins, triplets and sextuplets… west ice… malboro menthol lights… wild vines… Smirnoff Ice… mule… boxers… silver…. Platinum… rings… toys r us… babies r us… tj maxx… esprit… Batman… Pursuit of Happyness… spill proof cups… flat iron.. archie comics… nancy drew… bobbsey twins… will and grace… harry potter… sex and the city… flying first class… Julia Roberts… Richard Gere… gel pens… coloring books… crossword puzzles… do-it-yourself… pocket pc… assigned ring tones… hide and seek… marco polo freeze… clocks… contemporary… modern… roof decks… verandas… fountains… water falls… rafts… bonfire… blogs… fox… bagets… One Fine Day… Message in a Bottle… Da Vinci Code… Imax… Universal Studios… Gymnastics… tennis… transformers… Madonna… lego… Special K… yogurt… Rockstar… Ipod… playlists… soaps… white tops… solid shirts… product red… snow… big bear… snowflakes… soft pillows…planning for trips… lists… packing… watching tv… writing… massage… Traveling… Sunday slowdown… jazz… buzz…PBB... saxophone… architecture… studs… waiting for sunrise… warm towels… putting together a sophisticated look… getting ready for a date… proposals… weddings… boba… thai iced tea… betty and veronica… full house… Dawson’s creek… breakfast nook… clean white sheets… music and lyrics… cutting edge… Side A… freestyle… YM… Oprah… memorabilias… ER… OR… Bloopers… house music… hed kandi… 80s… 90s… highlighters… calendars… day after thanksgiving sale… holidays… staying home… indoor playgrounds… swings… parks… docks… boat rides… staying up all night with friends…

First Love..My first love…

Ah, first love… as they say, it never dies… it remains…it really never goes away… Mine was a wonderful experience… I could talk for hours about it, and each time I do, I’d still get that feeling of warmth all over… sigh… you can never forget about it… and I say never… For me, it’s been twenty- something years ago…yet the love, the pain, each time I’m reminded of it feels like it has just happened hours ago… and I’m saying this is how it’s always been all these years…

When it hit me, I swear, it was the true-to-life, butterflies-in-the – stomach, all-natural-high, heart-skips-a-beat, cheeks-flush, knees-weak, shivers-down-your-spine, giddy, world-stops-spinning, everything-is-in-slow motion feeling that comes over you like a bucket of water was just poured over you kinda feeling… sigh… (now that just made me close my eyes and feel everything all over again)…sigh… now tell me, how can I forget?... how will you forget the one who made you blush for the first time?!?!?

I met him during the holidays years ago… through common friends (real close)… we hung out…played… yes, I was young then… the holidays were over, he had to go, he left me a card, which said I was special and that I’ll be missed… and that’s all he left with me…that’s all I had of him for awhile…

After a year or two, we met again and he was to stay longer… that’s when we spent more and more time together…got to know each other better… he was awfully nice, caring and gentle…funny and naughty too…plus he was cute!… but sooner than I expected, it was beginning to be obvious there was something special we shared between us that was unsaid… we never got to talking about it then… we just went on having fun, exchanging meaningful looks across the room, holding hands underneath the sheets…. sitting beside each other every chance that we got…shared the song Crazy for you by Madonna… in games, we’d always be on the same side, never played against each other… then came my birthday, I got a book from him, the one I wanted… which came with a card, the first I ever got that had THE “I LOVE YOU”… which was actually meant for me… finally the declaration of what he has showed me all that time was summed up in those three words… and of course, I, on the other hand, ultimately, was on cloud nine…. With the overwhelming feelings that came over me, I was speechless…totally speechless… then he left…gone too soon… even sooner than I was able to say I love you back….

After he had gone, I missed him so much, it hurt… but what hurt me most was the fact that I didn’t get the chance to even let him know how I felt… how happy he had made me… how, at that time, he had fulfilled a girl’s true-to-life fairy tale… twas every girl’s dream come true… he made mine come true… and that pained me because I wasn’t able to tell him I felt the same…even more… that I loved him back…

Ouch…it was that kind of pain that was dull and nagging… on a pain scale of 1- 10, it was a constant 6/10 which would shoot up to an 8 or even a 9 whenever I’d be reminded of him… I actually couldn’t tell what hurt more…his absence… me not being able to tell him how much I felt for him…or thinking of the what-might-have-beens?... Sigh…

When he left me, i held onto the memories... the good and the bad... the love and the pain... months turned into years...years into more years... but i sure have kept all those memories locked up in a special place in my heart, where i would visit often, in my solitude and cherish those times we shared....yes often, and yes til this very day, i still do...on rainy days, on bad days, of all the memories i've had through out the thirty some years of my life, the ones of him and with him, in that special place in my heart, gets the most hits... definitely on the top of my most wanted to list, because it never fails to put a warm smile across my face and brighten up my days…

There for you folks is MY FIRST LOVE.

Ooops.. wait I’m not just about done yet… there’s much more to tell about my first love… because you know what?... I had a second shot at it !!!! so read on…

After something like seven or eight years….we meet again…

It was the holidays (again)… I heard he was in town… then he called… oooh I was so excited…I could have done cartwheels… I was very happy… he went to the house, hung out..talked mostly…reminisced…tried to catch up…and when he was about to leave…. oooh…oooh… you won’t believe what happened next… he leaned in and kissed me…on the lips!!!!... the feeling was beyond words, that moment was… uh… hmm…was…was just perfect... sigh…MY FIRST KISS…with MY FIRST LOVE… just like in the movies…

Of course I didn’t sleep well that night… go figure… the next day, we met to go out… we drove out of town… talked… held hands in the car… while I was driving he had his hand on my back… everything was nice… we talked…I told him how I had felt for him way back then…and how I kinda still hung onto his promises all those years in between… teased him about how he left me..laughing about how we were then… we were happy together like that… then I found out he already had someone else… he was in a serious relationship, he even told me they were already thinking of getting married soon… OUCH... just when I thought things were going to pick up from where we left off… what I was left to pick up on my own was my heart that was shattered into pieces just right there….

Oh well… that day ended… nevertheless, I couldn’t stop thinking of him then. I still pondered…lingered… For the rest of his stay in town… we didn’t get a chance to see each other anymore… it was as if we have finally put an end to the US that could have been…and for me, it was the closure as well of all the what-might-have-beens I carried with me all those years…

But of course, it wasn’t me to just let things go like that.. since we were ending anyways… while the curtains have not been drawn yet, the credits have not rolled in… it wasn’t the end yet… The night before he was leaving, he had called to say his good-byes… but I wasn’t done just yet… I wasn’t ready… I still wanted to see him just one last time… The next day, I had to go get my pager with my Mom and cousins… as soon as I got my number, I called home to leave a message for him to page me, hoping we could arrange to meet up somehow before his flight… when I didn’t hear from him… I couldn’t sit still knowing he was about to leave soon… when we got home, I started thinking of some excuse to give my mom so she would let me go out… I was giving her dumb ones… until I hit the jackpot with so little time left… I told her I would take my cousins to the amusement park… of course, with a side trip she didn’t have to know of… so there… I rushed my cousins into getting ready and I drove like a mad man to the airport hoping to catch him in time… when I got there, of course I had to park so far away… to make the moment more exciting…so, I took one of my cousins with me and ran….literally ran to the departure at the airport… when I got to the door, security won’t let me in… I was begging them to allow me, telling them that someone I had to get to left something important… (me…)… they gave in… they had him paged… he came out and we just hugged… after feeling my whole day was in fast forward x8… while we were hugging it turned into slow motion of course… excruciatingly slow… knowing that was the last we’d share… I finally said my good-byes… found out too that he had gotten my pager number mixed up… so I gave him the right one…we promised we’d still keep in touch… so there… just like in the movies…overhead,"Last call for boarding for flight number…."…there… we hugged quickly once more, and walked away… without looking back, I ran… fighting my tears… my cousin and I ran back to where we were parked… when I got in the car, my pager beeped…it was him…once more, he said… "I love you…" and good-bye….

MY FIRST LOVE and FIRST KISS….
I'm telling you, it’s true… first love never dies…. It never will….

When I grow up...

When I was twelve, I was in the car with my Dad, at a stop, we noticed a BMW next to us…. My dad goes…"I’ll buy myself one like that, when i grow up….", then I go to him..."But Dad, you’re a grown up already…" he goes…"not yet…"

And on those other times he’d see something big or expensive he wanted, that’s what he’d always say…"when I grow up…. Or when I’m bigger…" I couldn’t seem to understand what he meant by it… I was twelve, he was thirty five…wasn’t he all grown up? Wasn’t he big enough, more so old enough? He was almost thrice my age and he’s saying he’s not old enough or he hasn’t grown old enough?

To think, for all the times Mom and Dad told me off whenever there were things I wanted to do and wasn’t old enough yet, I always felt bad. Thinking life wasn’t fair, only grown ups had all the fun. That would always make me vengeful, like…”Hmph… when I grow up….. I’d be ---… I will!... –watch me!!!” And just thinking of the endless possibilities of what i’d like to become, do and have…. I couldn’t help but be very eager…. That’s when I started being impatient to grow up… especially at twelve, I must have thought, with the number of years my Dad was ahead of me, maybe If I hurry I’d be able to catch up with him…. To be able to do what he did, to have what he had…. As if!

From twelve, I turned sixteen….then eighteen (sigh)…..then one morning, I woke up I was already thirty!! Huwaaaaaaat?!?!?!?! The Big 3-0! And not feeling anything like it at all!!!! I may have gone through a lot, done a lot, and learned a lot…but only a whole lot more than when I was twelve, of course. I still didn’t know everything, didn’t have everything….yeah, may have had some…but seemed like not yet even close to the half of all there is. At this time, I would’ve known that growing up wasn’t a destination you had to reach at a particular time… it is a journey (such a cliché but true)…. a ride which isn’t always smooth…making frequent stops along the way to look back and let out huge sighs (sometimes,- of relief ,with pride, but other times –of regret)…realizing growing up wasn’t all that you had imagined it to be… it didn’t bring you just freedom but MORE responsibilities (liabilities even!)…don’t get me wrong, it does have its perks!!!… there are days…good ones, even better ones… YET there are still the bad days…and sometimes , the older you get, the more times you’d wish you were younger…especially on the bad days….When I turned thirty, I wished I was twelve again… (not everyday, but I definitely had those days….)

As I am writing this, my two year old is trying to grab the mouse from me, wanting to use it as if he knew how… earlier I had the remote, trying to put on Sesame Street, as soon as I set the remote down, he picks it up and tries to work it himself… this morning, when my sister was leaving for work, he went running up to her saying…"let’s go…I go-go too…c’mon let’s go..wait…wait.. I go-go too!"… i felt like saying... "slow down, my baby…you’ll get there too… when you’re bigger…when you grow up…"…"don’t rush, because I KNOW, when you grow up, you’ll also wish to be a kid again…."

Not-so-ordinary

I would like to share with you the stories of some woman who seems to be completely insignificant but turns out to be extraordinary.

I haven’t got for you a rags-to-riches, Cinderella story… nor have been my achievements recognized with a Nobel Peace Prize… I’m not a celebrity nor a VIP….I am just your average thirty-something year old woman with so much stories to share. I don’t know everything. I am not perfect. I just have lots of stories to tell… that makes me, in my own right, extraordinary.

When I grow old and grey, I’ve always imagined myself sitting on a rocking chair surrounded by my grandchildren…not reading to them Mother Goose’s fairy tales or stories of Hans Christian Andersen…I imagine myself sharing with them MY own stories.

Yesterday, I just thought, what if I don’t get old and grey, what if I won’t have that rocking chair to sit on, what if I don’t get grandchildren at all… that’s what brought me to blog…